Sep 16, 2010 9:00 pm
Their Story
I have had an opportunity to live with my grandparents around, so first I will introduce a short history of my personal interaction with my grandparents. I will then give a little history of my grandfather. And then I will talk about his current life.
One of most memorable times of my life was the days spent at my grandparents’ house. The journey to their house took about 2 hours on foot, so I took the opportunity to visit them as often as possible. Their entire property was surrounded by a high fence which protected them from thieves and druggies. As I entered through the massive steel gate past the dog that I was very frightened of, I would often find grandma Milia work in the garden where she grew a broad range of fruits and vegetables from strawberries and cherries to tomatoes and carrots.
They harvest these fruits and vegetables which last them until the next year’s harvest. Upon arrival, I would jump straight into helping her water the plants and feed the chickens, and as evening came she would make delicious pancakes which I would eat with their home-made berry jam.
Grandpa Sasha would often go to their second property which they used to grow potatoes. He would sometimes take me with him on his motorcycle which was - and still is to this day - their sole method of transportation. I remember my grandparents as very nice and hardworking people who cared very much for their grandkids.
Since my family’s immigration from Kazakhstan in 2001, I have seen my grandmother only once during her visit to USA. My grandfather, however, saw me last time about ten years ago.
My grandfather’s name is Alexander (Sahsa) Groshev, he was born in 1937 in the city of Leninagorsk located in Eastern Kazakhstan. Before Alexander was born, his family used to live in Kanonerka city. They were hardworking people and owned their own property and farm, but since the Stalin’s new communism rules did not allow anyone own so much, in 1930 it was all taken away, and his family with his two older sisters were evicted to Leninagorsk.
After Alexander was born, his family stayed in this city for a decade. At age of 7, he had a near-death experience when he was rescued from drowning as he was being sucked into the hydroelectric dam’s intake. While living in Leninagorsk, Alexander attended school up to the third grade.
In 1948, at the age of ten, he and his family moved back to Kanonerka, where he continued his primary school education. When he was in 6th grade, he was forbidden from coming to school because he would not reject his Christian faith. Christianity was heavily frowned upon and discouraged under the strict communism rules. Holding Christian gatherings was considered illegal and was often raided by police. Regardless of his persistence, he was later allowed back to school where he studied one more year until his graduation.
After graduating from high school, he moved to the city of Semipalatinsk in the year of 1952. In 1956 he graduated from a technicum (Soviet Union equivalent of a two year college) and moved to Semyarka village where he worked two seasons before moving back to Semipalatinsk.
In the June of 1957, at age of twenty, Alexander got married to Emilia. At first they did not have a permanent place to stay, but a year later they finally bought a tiny house where they officially started their family. On October 14, 1958, they had their first child, Olga. In total, they had 7 kids.
Today, majority of their kids live scattered on all corners of the planet – one in Russia, three in USA and three still live in Kazakhstan. There, a mother who has 7 or more kids earns a title of a “Hero Mother” who receives a gold medal and a significant increase in pension.
Both of my grandparents are Christian and attend church regularly, once or twice a week.
As I have come to witness myself, religion plays a major role in their life. They pray in the morning and evening – before and after they sleep. They also pray before and after they eat. They read the Bible together every night, and sing Christian songs while doing their daily chores. They are strongly committed to their faith and it has been so for as long as I remember. Grandpa Sasha says that the most memorable time of his life was when he was baptized on Jul 4, 1954.
Today, their health is pretty rough. Grandma Milia has frequent headaches and leg aches. Grandpa Sasha has diabetes, which prevents him from eating most of the fruits that they grow. He does not have access to sugar substitute, so his two daughters frequently send him packages full of sugar-free food from the USA.
Regardless of all the problems related with old age, they are a very happy old couple. In 2007, they celebrated their 50 years of marriage. Grandpa Saha says that his faith in God has been the major contributor to their long life together. They are not lonely since their kids and grandkids visit them on regular basis, and they also meet them every Sunday in church. The most frequent visitors in their house are their two grand-granddaughters who live right across the street. One of them is one year old and the other one is five.
I remember the detailed directions to their house distinctly: walk down the street to the end, make a left at the kiosk where a nice lady sold delicious ice cream, then as I reach the swamps I make a right, keep walking until I reach the railroad, and then just follow the railroad west for about an hour and I’m there!
Oct 21, 2010 9:00 pm
My Grandparents’ Social Support Network
For over 54 years now, Grandfather Alexander and his wife Emilia have relied on their church, which they attend on a weekly basis, as their primary support network. They have seen many changes come and go in that community – many people have come and now are gone, many of their life-long friends are already gone, and time implies that some of them will be going home soon as well. In addition to the church’s social network, they rely on support from their kids, four of which live in other countries and the other three still live with them in eastern Kazakhstan, in the city of Semipalatinsk.
Alexander was part of this community since 1956. Here, he met his wife Emilia and many of his friends. In 1976 the building in which they were gathering for 20 consecutive years have been suddenly taken away by the government. The community had to purchase another property where they started building themselves a new home, which they still use to this day. Since Alexander was a part of the team who constructed it during their time off from their regular day jobs, he was one of the most active members of the community.
Alexander enjoys talking about the time of youth and the happy and sad days of his life as a member of this community. Since they do not own a reliable motor vehicle these days, a friend who attends the same church picks them up on his way there every Sunday morning. When in church, their activities mostly include prayers, singing and discussing different parts of the Holy Bible. During holidays, such as “Zhatva”, which is essentially a Russian religious holiday equivalent of thanksgiving, members of the church provide mostly home-grown fruits and vegetables which they use to decorate the entire main meeting room.
Even though they attend only the Sunday meetings, which generally last 2-3 hours, the information they receive from each session is just enough to determine if their friends are doing well or not. During each visit to church, Alexander and Emilia never forget to greet their friends with hugs and questions about each other’s health. Many members of this community share an intimate relationship that is similar in almost every way to what is usually found between blood-related family members. They even refer to each other very appropriately with a prefix “brother” or “sister” before each other’s names.
As it usually is with church communities, this one is also open for anyone to join. Friendly new members never feel unwelcome or underappreciated. Anyone who comes with good intentions can come and participate in any gatherings, and those that follow this one rule will always be greeted and treated no less than like family. While to a relatively new church member things would appear to remain the same, Alexander says that things have changed dramatically over the many years he has been a member. He says that people are not the same and neither are the values.
He noticed that people of the newer generation tend to act a lot more different, more open about their unusual views that often conflict with the native ones. It’s as if the new crowd with their different ideals is growing in numbers while pushing the old ones out of the way, which he finds somewhat disturbing. He says that the numbers of people that have the “good old” views are decreasing faster than ever.
Over ten years ago, the friends that lived close by would get seen more often during visits that happened outside of the church, but Grandpa Alexander says that it is not the case anymore. He says many of his friends have either deceased or moved, and those that have stopped attending church due to poor health are living too far away to visit due to their own poor health.
Another major reason for the recent decline in socialization is the lack of access to both private and public transportation. To make things worse, their house is located at an inconvenient location where the closest bus stop is a bit too much walking to handle recently, Alexander admits. If he is feeling healthy enough on a particular day, which usually ends up being once a month, he will use his bicycle to go to a local flea market to stock up with the necessities they can’t produce themselves. If there was a supplemental formal support mechanism that simply provided transportation to and from the church, he says it would be very helpful.
While they have been active church members for over half a century now, their primary support network remains to be their own family. This may be due to a convenient fact that their kids and grandkids attend the same church – some regularly and some occasionally. Grandpa Alexander says that their son Vladimir, who lives in the same city, visits them often to just sit down and socialize, to make sure everything is going well. His daughter, granddaughter, and two grand-grand kids live in the same neighborhood, so they visit them on a regular basis.
His two daughters and one granddaughter who live in the USA recently visited them for a couple of weeks. During the visit, they cleaned up the house, repainted the walls, purchased new rugs, cookware, and other essentials. They also frequently send packages from the USA filled with clothes, diabetic foods, and other high quality products that are either too expensive to purchase or are simply not sold in any of the local stores in the city of Semipalatinsk. In addition to these packages, they also provide occasional monetary support over the Western Union money transfer service. However, Grandpa Alexander says their pension so far is very adequate, due to his long history of work at a local industrial factory before it was abandoned during the fall of the Soviet Union.
Not only do Grandpa and Grandma get visits from their kids who live in other countries, they themselves try to visit them whenever possible. For example, few years ago Alexander visited his relatives in Germany, where he stayed for one month. Grandma Emilia also recently visited three of her kids in the USA, which she says she enjoyed very much.
Grandma Emilia recently left to visit her son who lives in Russia, in the city of Prokopevsk, so Alexander is staying home by himself without any troubles. He cooks the food, feeds the chickens, keeps the fireplace running, and generally takes care of himself well. Alas, while he is capable of doing this today, it may not work out very well for him in the near future. Since both his and his wife’s health are not getting any better, they will soon need to start to exceedingly rely on some sort of a formal support.
Their daughter Nina, who lives in the USA and possesses a U.S. citizenship, says she has been paying someone to come and make sure that the house is clean every Friday for about two years now. Nina says that is very unfortunate that her parents are strictly against moving to the USA. If they agreed, then not only the probability of them obtaining a family reunification visa is relatively high, the availability and access to both formal and informal support would be dramatically improved for them. At this time, however, she regrets to admit that their stubbornness appears to make this goal unachievable. She says that she has thought about the inevitable future and will most likely hire a nanny for them when the time comes.
As the grandparents’ ability to fully take care of themselves declines, their kids and community friends continue to provide the required emotional and financial support, adjusting its frequency and magnitude accordingly. Since their relationship with their kids and grandkids living overseas is on an excellent level, the availability of both formal and informal, as well as both emotional and financial support is steadily rising.
Even though grandma Emilia says she would never touch a complex electronic communication device such as a computer, but I think that the availability and ease of operation of increasingly user-friendly video communication devices will make her change her mind, when she is shown how distance can no longer be the sole barrier that prevents her from interacting with her family face to face.
