My Grandparents: Alexander and Emily Groshev

Sep 16, 2010 9:00 pm

Their Story

I have had an opportunity to live with my grandparents around, so first I will introduce a short history of my personal interaction with my grandparents. I will then give a little history of my grandfather. And then I will talk about his current life.

One of most memorable times of my life was the days spent at my grandparents’ house. The journey to their house took about 2 hours on foot, so I took the opportunity to visit them as often as possible. Their entire property was surrounded by a high fence which protected them from thieves and druggies. As I entered through the massive steel gate past the dog that I was very frightened of, I would often find grandma Milia work in the garden where she grew a broad range of fruits and vegetables from strawberries and cherries to tomatoes and carrots.

They harvest these fruits and vegetables which last them until the next year’s harvest. Upon arrival, I would jump straight into helping her water the plants and feed the chickens, and as evening came she would make delicious pancakes which I would eat with their home-made berry jam.

Grandpa Sasha would often go to their second property which they used to grow potatoes. He would sometimes take me with him on his motorcycle which was - and still is to this day - their sole method of transportation. I remember my grandparents as very nice and hardworking people who cared very much for their grandkids.

Since my family’s immigration from Kazakhstan in 2001, I have seen my grandmother only once during her visit to USA. My grandfather, however, saw me last time about ten years ago.

My grandfather’s name is Alexander (Sahsa) Groshev, he was born in 1937 in the city of Leninagorsk located in Eastern Kazakhstan. Before Alexander was born, his family used to live in Kanonerka city. They were hardworking people and owned their own property and farm, but since the Stalin’s new communism rules did not allow anyone own so much, in 1930 it was all taken away, and his family with his two older sisters were evicted to Leninagorsk.

After Alexander was born, his family stayed in this city for a decade. At age of 7, he had a near-death experience when he was rescued from drowning as he was being sucked into the hydroelectric dam’s intake. While living in Leninagorsk, Alexander attended school up to the third grade.

In 1948, at the age of ten, he and his family moved back to Kanonerka, where he continued his primary school education. When he was in 6th grade, he was forbidden from coming to school because he would not reject his Christian faith. Christianity was heavily frowned upon and discouraged under the strict communism rules. Holding Christian gatherings was considered illegal and was often raided by police. Regardless of his persistence, he was later allowed back to school where he studied one more year until his graduation.

After graduating from high school, he moved to the city of Semipalatinsk in the year of 1952. In 1956 he graduated from a technicum (Soviet Union equivalent of a two year college) and moved to Semyarka village where he worked two seasons before moving back to Semipalatinsk.

In the June of 1957, at age of twenty, Alexander got married to Emilia. At first they did not have a permanent place to stay, but a year later they finally bought a tiny house where they officially started their family. On October 14, 1958, they had their first child, Olga. In total, they had 7 kids.

Today, majority of their kids live scattered on all corners of the planet – one in Russia, three in USA and three still live in Kazakhstan. There, a mother who has 7 or more kids earns a title of a “Hero Mother” who receives a gold medal and a significant increase in pension.

Both of my grandparents are Christian and attend church regularly, once or twice a week.

As I have come to witness myself, religion plays a major role in their life. They pray in the morning and evening – before and after they sleep. They also pray before and after they eat. They read the Bible together every night, and sing Christian songs while doing their daily chores. They are strongly committed to their faith and it has been so for as long as I remember. Grandpa Sasha says that the most memorable time of his life was when he was baptized on Jul 4, 1954.

Today, their health is pretty rough. Grandma Milia has frequent headaches and leg aches. Grandpa Sasha has diabetes, which prevents him from eating most of the fruits that they grow. He does not have access to sugar substitute, so his two daughters frequently send him packages full of sugar-free food from the USA.

Regardless of all the problems related with old age, they are a very happy old couple. In 2007, they celebrated their 50 years of marriage. Grandpa Saha says that his faith in God has been the major contributor to their long life together. They are not lonely since their kids and grandkids visit them on regular basis, and they also meet them every Sunday in church. The most frequent visitors in their house are their two grand-granddaughters who live right across the street. One of them is one year old and the other one is five.

I remember the detailed directions to their house distinctly: walk down the street to the end, make a left at the kiosk where a nice lady sold delicious ice cream, then as I reach the swamps I make a right, keep walking until I reach the railroad, and then just follow the railroad west for about an hour and I’m there!


Oct 21, 2010 9:00 pm

My Grandparents’ Social Support Network

For over 54 years now, Grandfather Alexander and his wife Emilia have relied on their church, which they attend on a weekly basis, as their primary support network. They have seen many changes come and go in that community – many people have come and now are gone, many of their life-long friends are already gone, and time implies that some of them will be going home soon as well. In addition to the church’s social network, they rely on support from their kids, four of which live in other countries and the other three still live with them in eastern Kazakhstan, in the city of Semipalatinsk.

Alexander was part of this community since 1956. Here, he met his wife Emilia and many of his friends. In 1976 the building in which they were gathering for 20 consecutive years have been suddenly taken away by the government. The community had to purchase another property where they started building themselves a new home, which they still use to this day. Since Alexander was a part of the team who constructed it during their time off from their regular day jobs, he was one of the most active members of the community.

Alexander enjoys talking about the time of youth and the happy and sad days of his life as a member of this community. Since they do not own a reliable motor vehicle these days, a friend who attends the same church picks them up on his way there every Sunday morning. When in church, their activities mostly include prayers, singing and discussing different parts of the Holy Bible. During holidays, such as “Zhatva”, which is essentially a Russian religious holiday equivalent of thanksgiving, members of the church provide mostly home-grown fruits and vegetables which they use to decorate the entire main meeting room.

Even though they attend only the Sunday meetings, which generally last 2-3 hours, the information they receive from each session is just enough to determine if their friends are doing well or not. During each visit to church, Alexander and Emilia never forget to greet their friends with hugs and questions about each other’s health. Many members of this community share an intimate relationship that is similar in almost every way to what is usually found between blood-related family members. They even refer to each other very appropriately with a prefix “brother” or “sister” before each other’s names.

As it usually is with church communities, this one is also open for anyone to join. Friendly new members never feel unwelcome or underappreciated. Anyone who comes with good intentions can come and participate in any gatherings, and those that follow this one rule will always be greeted and treated no less than like family. While to a relatively new church member things would appear to remain the same, Alexander says that things have changed dramatically over the many years he has been a member. He says that people are not the same and neither are the values.

 He noticed that people of the newer generation tend to act a lot more different, more open about their unusual views that often conflict with the native ones. It’s as if the new crowd with their different ideals is growing in numbers while pushing the old ones out of the way, which he finds somewhat disturbing. He says that the numbers of people that have the “good old” views are decreasing faster than ever.

Over ten years ago, the friends that lived close by would get seen more often during visits that happened outside of the church, but Grandpa Alexander says that it is not the case anymore. He says many of his friends have either deceased or moved, and those that have stopped attending church due to poor health are living too far away to visit due to their own poor health.

Another major reason for the recent decline in socialization is the lack of access to both private and public transportation. To make things worse, their house is located at an inconvenient location where the closest bus stop is a bit too much walking to handle recently, Alexander admits. If he is feeling healthy enough on a particular day, which usually ends up being once a month, he will use his bicycle to go to a local flea market to stock up with the necessities they can’t produce themselves. If there was a supplemental formal support mechanism that simply provided transportation to and from the church, he says it would be very helpful.

While they have been active church members for over half a century now, their primary support network remains to be their own family. This may be due to a convenient fact that their kids and grandkids attend the same church – some regularly and some occasionally. Grandpa Alexander says that their son Vladimir, who lives in the same city, visits them often to just sit down and socialize, to make sure everything is going well. His daughter, granddaughter, and two grand-grand kids live in the same neighborhood, so they visit them on a regular basis.

His two daughters and one granddaughter who live in the USA recently visited them for a couple of weeks. During the visit, they cleaned up the house, repainted the walls, purchased new rugs, cookware, and other essentials. They also frequently send packages from the USA filled with clothes, diabetic foods, and other high quality products that are either too expensive to purchase or are simply not sold in any of the local stores in the city of Semipalatinsk. In addition to these packages, they also provide occasional monetary support over the Western Union money transfer service. However, Grandpa Alexander says their pension so far is very adequate, due to his long history of work at a local industrial factory before it was abandoned during the fall of the Soviet Union.

Not only do Grandpa and Grandma get visits from their kids who live in other countries, they themselves try to visit them whenever possible. For example, few years ago Alexander visited his relatives in Germany, where he stayed for one month. Grandma Emilia also recently visited three of her kids in the USA, which she says she enjoyed very much.

Grandma Emilia recently left to visit her son who lives in Russia, in the city of Prokopevsk, so Alexander is staying home by himself without any troubles. He cooks the food, feeds the chickens, keeps the fireplace running, and generally takes care of himself well. Alas, while he is capable of doing this today, it may not work out very well for him in the near future. Since both his and his wife’s health are not getting any better, they will soon need to start to exceedingly rely on some sort of a formal support.

Their daughter Nina, who lives in the USA and possesses a U.S. citizenship, says she has been paying someone to come and make sure that the house is clean every Friday for about two years now. Nina says that is very unfortunate that her parents are strictly against moving to the USA. If they agreed, then not only the probability of them obtaining a family reunification visa is relatively high, the availability and access to both formal and informal support would be dramatically improved for them. At this time, however, she regrets to admit that their stubbornness appears to make this goal unachievable. She says that she has thought about the inevitable future and will most likely hire a nanny for them when the time comes.

As the grandparents’ ability to fully take care of themselves declines, their kids and community friends continue to provide the required emotional and financial support, adjusting its frequency and magnitude accordingly. Since their relationship with their kids and grandkids living overseas is on an excellent level, the availability of both formal and informal, as well as both emotional and financial support is steadily rising.

Even though grandma Emilia says she would never touch a complex electronic communication device such as a computer, but I think that the availability and ease of operation of increasingly user-friendly video communication devices will make her change her mind, when she is shown how distance can no longer be the sole barrier that prevents her from interacting with her family face to face.

This is the second time I've been accused of miscommunication. I can't believe it.

Figure 1. Lil Wayne's "Cant't Believe It" music thingy. I googled "Can't believe it" and thats what came up in the image search first. I have not the slightest idea why it's even in this blog post.

So I did at first think they were just some little bee tuches, but no, it just had to be otherwise.

End of story. Now I must depart back to N.B.C.

Why Did You Go to College?

Why did you go to college? My subconsciousness sent me to college because I stuck my fingers into everything, and wanted to touch and destroy everything. It thought that keeping me busy would likely save me from being molested by this old lady (I think she is a farmer):

Figure 1: "You're next, buddy"

If your sense of danger does not ever fully kick in after you are born, your brain is then likely to develop missing this function throughout the entire life. Could this theory explain some apathetic and perhaps even artistic approach of some people to the topic of their own death?

Autobiography - Who am I?

Let's rewind waaay back! In the reverse logarithmic time progression, it basically goes like this: college->odd hobbies->love->odd hobbies->immigration->odd hobbies->childhood->odd hobbies->birth)

Today, I had a final exam for the mind-twisting electrical engineering course called the Electromagnetic Waves. Even though my average mathematical abilities have had a negative effect on my grades in this calculus- and physics- centered course, now I know how to use light to cut stuff up with unprecedented precision and minimal amount of energy loss. It is epic.

About a week ago, I finished writing a final proposal draft for our senior design project that will be executed next semester.

A month ago I had a really nice Thanksgiving holiday break with my family.

Half a year ago, I started my internship at Samsung Electronics, where I learned the true potential of computer processing power (versus the human processing power). This was achieved by working on a text-based machine learning algorithm (this project is incomplete - check my Projects page for any updates as well as the open-source code).

A year ago, I was working on a differential steering algorithm (see Projects page), which was completed and produced the results identical to the theoretical model.

Two years ago, there was some sort of modification or reorganization in the way I interpret life. I was no longer afraid of death or failure. I started to try living life as if the last day of my life was very near.

Four years ago, I decided to study Electrical Engineering.

Eight years ago, it was unbearably frustrating being bullied in school for simply not knowing how to speak English.

Sixteen years ago, I was about eight or nine. My curiosity led to a third electrocution accident. This one led to a temporary full-body paralysis which lasted an hour or so, followed by a limp-limb fun for the next twelve hours. Motor-control circuit (cerebellum) and other parts of the brain sustained a significant damage. It seems that most of the functional abilities were naturally repaired.

Twenty four years ago -- I was born.

Input Ramen Noodle Soup, Output High Power Laser Beam.

I don’t really want to go to a graduate school. The thing is that the graduate school is based on the same flawed system of reward and punishment methodology as is the undergraduate. I think that looking at the current state of our employment and education system and the challenges it is faced with, it appears that in the future I would only work for money to sustain the basic survival needs. The actual work of my life will be on the side, for fun, to see how far the limit of science and engineering can be stretched with the minimum amount of resources in my possession. The system of GPA has a flaw that unintentionally destroys the very thing it was designed to create and protect: the motivation to achieve.

How?

Back in December of 2009 I started working on a project to design a differential steering algorithm from scratch and test it on an custom-built hardware unit. The ambitious goal was to allow it to navigate on the uneven extraterrestrial terrain and thus perhaps help allow cheap robotic extra-planetary exploration possible. It barely held together mechanically, and had a couple of enormous bugs hanging out in the code, but it taught me something one can neither learn in school nor can find in the book. I documented the progress at http://newmech.blogspot.com/2010_07_01_archive.htm, but then college kicked my ass.

Nowadays I don’t have time to work on the projects that I want to work on at all. I learn a great deal at school, but not as much as if school dedicated at least 50% of my time to work on whatever projects I feel are important.

Why?

There are quite a few challenging, relatively cheap, and quite very useful projects on my list that sit idle with little to no progress. This is no bird house building step-by-step stuff. Some of the projects require some formal exposure to the study of electromagnetic properties of materials, optics, electronics, programming, and high-level mathematics.

Random Project.

For example, today we have no cheap and portable rapid prototyping systems available to the regular citizens like you and me. A high power infrared laser sources are quite cheap these days, so one of the next projects would have to include high-power laser cutting applications. A 5 watt infrared laser diode can be purchased for less than a hundred bucks. If done properly, a single diode can quickly cut through most hard plastics and even some metals.

To me, electromagnetism is interesting, profitable, and above all, useful. I believe that the future will be dark and expensive without advancement and improvement of the high power laser technology. I know that a whole lot more research in this field is necessary in order for us to begin the era of truly automated gadget manufacturing and asteroid mining (an infinite number of applications).

When I get my undergraduate degree within this Spring, I will finally be able to work on these. What I hope to gain from the huge chunk of my life devoted to the study of the electromagnetism is important to me. As the popular TV commercial proudly announces, "there are some things money can't buy...".

Страх из будущего

Все вещи которые были мне дороги, ода за другой просто как-то исчезли из памяти. А может быть их даже и не было. Кого моя память запрятала в чёрный сундук далёкого и тёмного уголка этого мозга? Стоит ли нам заглядывать в наше прошлое, где спрятаны вещи способные уничтожить всё настоящее и всё будущее?

Интересно не то что присутствует ключ к этому сундуку памяти, но то что страшно подойти и открыть его.

Но как-же всё то что мы пишем в данный момент, или всё то что случится в будущем? Что случится с всем этим и тем? Где я сейчас? Что мне дорого? Куда я иду? Кем я буду? Где я буду?

Может всё-таки даже и не стоит беспокоится. Может быть надо просто жить как думаешь правильно.

Но, всё-равно страшно.

Я тебе не верю.

В комнате темно cлишком, слишком...
Много пустоты, я стал лишним.
Некуда бежать, ты успела
Все мне рассказать, что хотела...

Ветер за окном по привычке
Гонит облака, словно спичкой.
Солнце зажигать будет небо,
И наступит день, где ты не был.

Смотришь мне в глаза,
Сколько можно лгать,
Проще самому сказать об этом.
Что любовь была перестрелкой душ,
Мне стало скучно!

Я тебе не верю,
Ты - сон вчерашний,
Который мне пророчит слезы.
Я тебе не верю,
Ты - снег зимы прошедшей, он давно растаял...
Я тебе не верю,
Ты - солнце, утонувшее в воде холодной.
Я тебе не верю,
Ты - все, что было у меня,
Но я тебе не верю!

Спрятались в лесах наши птицы.
Время разорвать, сжечь страницы,
Где про нас с тобой,
Где сумела стать твоей тоской без предела.

Г. Лепс

Corporate World 101

Corporate World 101
One of the most exciting and interesting times of my life have started this summer, when I received a job (summer internship position) offer from a large consumer electronics company. With my Junior year behind me, I felt completely clueless of what the corporate world is like. Many questions terrified me and made me feel far from at ease. How would I fit in? What would I do? Which skill (out of my most random skill set) would I be able to apply and further develop? And in the most dreadfully whispering voice I can imagine: what if I fail to display my competence?

Confusion Dissipates
Two weeks went by, and while many if not most of my questions are left unanswered, I slowly started to put the pieces together in my head. I now realize that it's not very a simple system to understand, and for someone as clueless as I am (and probably the rest of the interns I work with), it takes time to adapt. Of course, the quicker the adaptation phase ends, the quicker I can start to understand which skills I can start developing.

Workflow Stabilizes
So far, I've gone through some technical training, did some random small projects, and even made some awkward mistakes. Thanks to all these, I have started to remember faces and names , get a general idea of where everything is, who everyone are, how to do or how not do something, what is appropriate and what is not, etc. To be honest, I didn't expect to be able to stuff so much of this stuff into my brain so quickly. I hope I don't fry the thing.

Culture
Due to an obvious and fairly valid internal reason, this company employs almost half of it's workers from a foreign race with way too many cultural differences. Up to half of the conversations I hear around myself every day are in another language of which I possess exactly zero percent of fluency. Most of the foreignly-themed interactions between these coworkers are happening right in front of me, and it makes me feel as if I am located in their country. It's a unique and fascinating experience. If this is not the best opportunity I will ever have to learn about their culture and language, then I don't know when is. It really makes me wonder if this is the third undecided language that I've always wanted to study (it could certainly help me better communicate with my coworkers, knowing how important communication is for a strong company).

Racism
Having about half of the employees from another specific race, as well as several minority workers, I had observed how an unpleasant dose of racism (and excessive foul language) is steadily oozing from the company's HR department's unavoidable loopholes and transforms into eerie tension between coworkers. If I am not subconsciously figuring out some sort of plan to fix this issue, then I truly feel bad for my wicked soul's final destination.

Fast Forward
I think that this journey have started splendidly, with many bumps and moments of accomplishment to come. As many of my questions are being answered, many more appear, but in a more organized way with a somewhat predictable outcome direction. I don't know if I'll end up being a good fit for the corporate world, but that's precisely why I am here right now -- to find out exactly just that. With nothing to lose and with everything to gain, I march on forward with the rest of us. Good luck and godspeed.

On the Issue of Emotional Blackmail and How to Deal with It

Intro

It's fascinating how effortlessly some people can be tricked and manipulated. All it takes is the right set of words expressed with the right set of emotions and it all becomes even more believable than simple and logical truth can ever be.

While blackmailing/psychological manipulation/coercion is not one of the most serious indicators of an unhealthy personal relationship, when it pops up it's a very important piece of the mind puzzle when it comes to re-evaluating your decision of staying in it. No matter whether romantic, business or other type of relationship, all blackmailers follow a typical and predictable pattern and are therefore nothing to be afraid of. In fact, it can often be utilized for your own advantage, such as finding out how blackmailers work and to use the opportunity to practice your anti-blackmailer skills.

What blackmailing ultimately does is it reveals the true intentions and emotions of your blackmailer, which we will call Mr.B from now on; and when properly identified, it can be used to make sure that he does not succeed.

How Blackmailing Works

There is only one reason anyone would want to blackmail someone, and it is to get something that they really want. They see absolutely nothing but the potential prize ahead of them. It does not matter to them what kind of side effects it may cause, because their focus is set strictly on this main goal. This phenomenon is analogous to a fight-or-flight response which is very well studied in mammals. Fight-or-flight response is activated by a perceived threat, no matter whether it is real or imagined. The response is accompanied by a release of a massive amount of adrenaline, which by dilation of blood vessels allows rapid delivery of oxygen to the muscles, thus promoting almost superhuman ability to quickly attempt to eliminate the presence of danger. Similarly, Mr.B produces a psychological response to a threat that he strongly believe exists, and in turn attempts to eliminate the threat by any means necessary. In his case, it is to use this undoubtedly unethical but often very effective method of manipulation.

Unlike the fight-or-flight response, which lasts somewhere in the order of seconds, Mr.B may start to develop a plan at the slight indication of a possible threat, and will continue improving it in case of a failed attempt(s).

Mr.B most likely has a plan, or perhaps a set of plans, which he is ready to activate on demand. His intense sense of danger or concern allows him to express a broad range of emotions -- subsequently, without order, and almost instantaneously. This combination of a set plan with a right match of emotional reaction allows him to make any and all of his claims highly convincing, and even indistinguishable from a lie in case of a bluff.

How to Avoid Being Blackmailed

Your main job is to identify a Mr.B and take proper action. The one and only step is to show absolutely no emotion and give absolutely no response. This means that you have to remain calm and take everything he says or does for what it really is -- an attempt to crack you open and take control.

When activated, Mr.B operates in a constant feedback loop. First, he provides a highly processed output, which may be anything from a baseless demand to a carefully planned full-blown threat. Then, he simply waits for input, which is usually a response from the victim. Once he receives the desired input, he continues to the next stage of his plan by providing more output, and then again waiting for more input, and so on until he reaches his goal. Mr.B has probably played everything out in his head by now and knows all the possible responses you can give him, and already has his own counter-response for every one of yours. However, once again, your main objective is to give no response. No input is a highly disturbing kind of input for for him -- it gives him absolutely nothing to work with. He will rarely have a plan for a situation when he receives no input. The feedback loop will become more and more unstable with each iteration and will eventually exit. It is very important to keep providing no input, because even a little suggestion of input will only extend the maximum number of input-less iterations Mr.B is willing to execute before terminating the loop. For him, it would be like talking to a wall -- it will simply stare at him and make him feel stupid. He will eventually be depleted of his motivation and stop and perhaps proceed to seek another victim to release his frustration on.

Your end and your beginning.

It all starts when you give up your ego for the first time. Once it is absent you realize that an ego is something that should be freely controlled. You learn how to control your ego – you learn how to start to truly learn. You learn how to freely control your emotions – to block them or allow them to pass through. You achieve this by knowing yourself – everything you can.

To an outsider, you may seem to behave in strange and unusual ways, but remember that they are simply unaware of your enlightenment.