On the Issue of Emotional Blackmail and How to Deal with It

Intro

It's fascinating how effortlessly some people can be tricked and manipulated. All it takes is the right set of words expressed with the right set of emotions and it all becomes even more believable than simple and logical truth can ever be.

While blackmailing/psychological manipulation/coercion is not one of the most serious indicators of an unhealthy personal relationship, when it pops up it's a very important piece of the mind puzzle when it comes to re-evaluating your decision of staying in it. No matter whether romantic, business or other type of relationship, all blackmailers follow a typical and predictable pattern and are therefore nothing to be afraid of. In fact, it can often be utilized for your own advantage, such as finding out how blackmailers work and to use the opportunity to practice your anti-blackmailer skills.

What blackmailing ultimately does is it reveals the true intentions and emotions of your blackmailer, which we will call Mr.B from now on; and when properly identified, it can be used to make sure that he does not succeed.

How Blackmailing Works

There is only one reason anyone would want to blackmail someone, and it is to get something that they really want. They see absolutely nothing but the potential prize ahead of them. It does not matter to them what kind of side effects it may cause, because their focus is set strictly on this main goal. This phenomenon is analogous to a fight-or-flight response which is very well studied in mammals. Fight-or-flight response is activated by a perceived threat, no matter whether it is real or imagined. The response is accompanied by a release of a massive amount of adrenaline, which by dilation of blood vessels allows rapid delivery of oxygen to the muscles, thus promoting almost superhuman ability to quickly attempt to eliminate the presence of danger. Similarly, Mr.B produces a psychological response to a threat that he strongly believe exists, and in turn attempts to eliminate the threat by any means necessary. In his case, it is to use this undoubtedly unethical but often very effective method of manipulation.

Unlike the fight-or-flight response, which lasts somewhere in the order of seconds, Mr.B may start to develop a plan at the slight indication of a possible threat, and will continue improving it in case of a failed attempt(s).

Mr.B most likely has a plan, or perhaps a set of plans, which he is ready to activate on demand. His intense sense of danger or concern allows him to express a broad range of emotions -- subsequently, without order, and almost instantaneously. This combination of a set plan with a right match of emotional reaction allows him to make any and all of his claims highly convincing, and even indistinguishable from a lie in case of a bluff.

How to Avoid Being Blackmailed

Your main job is to identify a Mr.B and take proper action. The one and only step is to show absolutely no emotion and give absolutely no response. This means that you have to remain calm and take everything he says or does for what it really is -- an attempt to crack you open and take control.

When activated, Mr.B operates in a constant feedback loop. First, he provides a highly processed output, which may be anything from a baseless demand to a carefully planned full-blown threat. Then, he simply waits for input, which is usually a response from the victim. Once he receives the desired input, he continues to the next stage of his plan by providing more output, and then again waiting for more input, and so on until he reaches his goal. Mr.B has probably played everything out in his head by now and knows all the possible responses you can give him, and already has his own counter-response for every one of yours. However, once again, your main objective is to give no response. No input is a highly disturbing kind of input for for him -- it gives him absolutely nothing to work with. He will rarely have a plan for a situation when he receives no input. The feedback loop will become more and more unstable with each iteration and will eventually exit. It is very important to keep providing no input, because even a little suggestion of input will only extend the maximum number of input-less iterations Mr.B is willing to execute before terminating the loop. For him, it would be like talking to a wall -- it will simply stare at him and make him feel stupid. He will eventually be depleted of his motivation and stop and perhaps proceed to seek another victim to release his frustration on.